The Forgotten Diaper

All I could see was crack and sac staring brazenly at me from behind my pillow...there is only one person in our family who would dare to get bare on my pillow, one person with a "pre-garden" mentality about nudity...SEDRIC...aka, BUBBA.  There is nothing like getting your child out of the bath, having their fresh and clean pajamas folded neatly and resting on the counter waiting to be adorned on your child's freshly cleaned body.  I love being prepared.  I hate when I realize I am not prepared.  Somehow, I forgot the crucial piece of kid necessity...a diaper.  This wouldn't have been a problem if this scenario was about one of my girls when they were little...I could fetch them out of the tub, throw a towel around them and tell them to NOT MOVE while I grab a diaper in the hall closet, AND THEY WOULD OBEY.  Unfortunately, this is not a scenario about one of my "good with instruction" girls, it's about my "I heart nudity" son.  I knew I was in trouble as I tried to contain his squirming body with one hand as my free hand frantically swept along the counter top in search of the forgotten diaper...it wasn't there...CRAP.  Sedric noticed the lack of diaper too...CRAP.  The diapers were in the hall closet.  My diaper fetchers were no where to be seen...CRAP.  I took a deep breath and accepted my mission:  get the diaper before Sedric could escape and pee all over the house.  I counted to 3.  Sedric put his game face on.  I didn't play fair.  I threw the towel over his head to slow him down then I darted down the hall like lightening.  I felt hope as I approached the closet door only to have a sinking feeling as I realized my hands were too lotion-y to open the door!  Squealing erupted from the bathroom as Sedric freed himself from the towel and darted, naked and proud, into the hallway as I struggled to wrap my shirt around my hand like a glove to use as grip on the door nob.  I grabbed for the diaper in the plastic bag, struggling to find the blasted opening...I ripped a new opening spraying diapers across the hallway, but, a diaper was free at last!  Now where did he go?  I checked his usual hiding places...he wasn't under his sisters bed, or hiding under his covers, or in his closet...my heart beat a little faster as I realized there is only one other room upstairs he could be in...MY ROOM!!  I envisioned him running naked through my room peeing on all my stuff...that's when I found him...just crack and sac staring at me from behind my throw pillows.    Pearly white cheeks glowing in the twilight of the setting sun giving away his exact location.  If I hadn't been so worried about him peeing on my side of the bed, I would have run downstairs and grabbed the camera.  I picked him up victoriously and hauled him away to the bathroom to be properly diapered.  I laid him down, only to have him wriggle, jiggle, free and jump to his feet.  He looked me in the eye, gave me a half smirk and peed on the floor...CRAP.  Well played Sedric, well played. 


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FORGET how HARD it is, REMEMBER how GOOD it is

Right after having Sedric (who was a BIG surprise in our family planning schedule), I was a wreck.  An exhausted wreck.  My will power to be a good parent was on trial as I was trying to take care of a newborn baby for the first time and help our second daughter Rafe (who we just brought home from Ethiopia 5 months prior) to attach and bond.  Things had never seemed so insurmountable to me as they were at that moment.  I cried alot.   I had overwhelming guilt about Rafe not getting the mommy time she desperately needed and I couldn't see past the daily exhaustion of all that my life was requiring of me.  I felt like I was getting the "ripped off" version with the early years of both my new babies...I desperately wanted to hold Rafe all day and take her everywhere on my hip and introduce her to the world from the safety of my arms, but I couldn't.  I wanted to hold Sedric all day and fuss over him every time he made a sound and enjoy all the firsts with a newborn, but I couldn't.  I wanted the parenting model that all my friends had: ONE BABY AT A TIME, but that's not what I was given.  I was really struggling to embrace my circumstances.  To embrace my limitations. 

One night, I was up feeding Sedric, delirious from exhaustion, in need of a shower, humming circus music under my breath (a true testament of my lunacy during those dark months).  I was at the end of my rope...I started crying, completely overwhelmed with my own inadequacy.  I was too tired to pray a "real" prayer, so all I said was, "HELP" under my breath as I stared into the face of my sleeping milk drunk child.  That's when I heard it...a still small voice.  It said, "FORGET how HARD it is, REMEMBER how GOOD it is."  REVELATION.  

I still look at my life everyday with that simple advice in mind, "FORGET how HARD it is, REMEMBER how GOOD it is"  The hard times aren't so overwhelming when your perspective is in the right place.  Perspective is everything when parenting children.  Its so easy to lose it, to misplace it, walk away from it...but when we hold on to it, refuse to let go of it, and daily walk toward it, we see what God sees about our children, about ourselves, about others.  All the messes, the sibling disputes and turf wars, the questionable behavior in public places, the fits, the screaming, the sleepless nights, the coloring on the walls, the endless questions, the fighting over the pink bowl, having boogers in your hair, the pooping in the tub, the harassing the dogs, the spills...oh the spills!  Its all worth it and manageable when looked at from a broader perspective, not just seeing the moments pain, but the lifetime of worth your daily interactions are instilling into your child's life.  When I get to the end of my "parenting young kids" season, I don't want to look back and see a mom who was always frustrated and needing a break, but rather a mom who is passed out and drooling on her pillow by 9pm every night because she put her all into every day with her kids. 



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