There's too many people in our bed

While standing at the counter, one foot on the ground, the other foot bouncing the baby in her chair, one hand holding a cup of coffee and the other hand hovering over the computer keys,  kids playing in the background, I find myself pondering what to write.  That's when I see my reflection in my computer screen, I note the bags under my eyes, my messy quaff piled on top of my head, my spit up stained shirt...that's when I tell myself, "It's OK, who wouldn't look like this after the night you had!"

This is a post about the night I had.

Jack and I decided to turn in early since our kids are notorious early risers...

It's 10pm, we are in bed.
It's a MIRACLE!
My body goes limp as soon as I hit the sheets
I realize how badly I need this.
Jack rolls over and grabs a hand full of "me"
His eyebrows raise.
My eyebrows raise.
Then we hear the baby burping and farting two inches from us
We silently decide it's too much work
Jack rolls back to his side 
5 minutes later, Jack is making a whimpering/ whistling sound in his sleep
I wonder how he can downshift so fast...MEN.
I'm not falling asleep as fast as I would like
I keep have thoughts about the show I watched before bed, When Animals Attack.
I am imagining a Anaconda strangling me in my sleep
I start thinking through how I would defend myself...nothing comes to mind...have you seen those things?!  Nothing survives!
I turn my thoughts to all the things I need to get done tomorrow, the list is overwhelming and depressing so I decide to think about painting old furniture...happy feelings come back.
I fall asleep.
20 minutes later, the baby wakes up
I pick her up, give her the bink and lay her in bed between Jack and me...it works, she is sleeping again.  I look at her and sigh, I think to myself, "maybe a 5th kid is possible."
I lay down and fall asleep thinking about baby names
12am, I wake up to the sound of heavy foot steps running into our room.  My heart is racing as my eyes try to adjust so I can see if it's one of our kids or a masked murderer...it's Peniel, running on her knees...it's her thing.
She leaps on to our bed crushing my legs.
IT HURT.
She doesn't say anything, she is trying to be sneaky.
She curls up on my feet and begins snoring.
I am wide awake now.
I start thinking about Anaconda's again, I keep thinking I see one in our room.
I force myself to focus on painting old furniture and baby names...good feelings come back.
I fall asleep.
1:30 am Sedric starts crying in his room.
 I roll out of bed to see what the problem is.
He tells me his room is too cold, and his bed is too small, and he wants to sleep in our bed.  I kiss him and tell him he needs to sleep in his own bed, he says nothing...I assume he accepts this and is going back to sleep.
I climb back into my bed and instantly drift back to sleep.
Minutes later, I hear foot steps running into our room and then a blonde head appearing on the end of the bed...it's Sedric.  He climbs over Peniel and jumps on Jack.
Jack grunts in agony.
Now Jack is awake.
I'm awake...AGAIN.
Peniel is asleep.
Baby is asleep
Sedric is asleep.
Jack waits 5 minutes then takes Sedric back to his room.
5 minutes later, Sedric emerges in our room, climbs on the bed and jumps on a sleeping Jack AGAIN.
Jack grunts as the wind is knocked from him AGAIN.
Jack waits 5 minutes and then takes Sedric back to his room AGAIN.
Sedric is stubborn.
Like a bad rash, he come's back AGAIN...
jumps on Jack AGAIN.
Sedric falls asleep, AGAIN.
Jack takes him back to his room AGAIN, but stays 20 minutes, sleeping next to Sedric's bed, on the floor.
I am still wide awake.
Phantom Anacondas keep appearing in our room.
Peniel wakes up and asks if it's time for cereal, I give her a firm NO.
She disappears over the side of the bed.
The baby wakes up for her 2:30 am feeding.
Peniel crawls back up onto the bed within inches of my face while I am feeding the baby.
It startles me, she emerged out of nowhere!
My delirious mind thinks she's an Anaconda,
I shield myself and the baby.
I realize it's just Peniel and not a man crushing snake.
I ask her what she is doing, she says she wants to give me a kiss...
I am confused.
She kisses my cheek and bounces off the bed.
STRANGE.
She goes back to her room...I assume she is going back to her own bed to finish off the night.  WRONG.
She brings all her blankets and stuffed animals into our room, plops them down on Jack's side of the bed on the floor and begins constructing a nest to sleep in.  She is loud and takes multiple trips, on her knees, to and from her room with all her sleeping"must have's".
She finally finishes her DIY nest, climbs in and goes to sleep.
I finish feeding the baby.
I burp her, she spits up all over my shirt, I wipe it off with my hand and fling it on the floor, on to the dog...sorry Gidget.
I lay the baby back down between Jack and me.
I think about how cute she is, and maybe it's better to stop having kids now since she is so cute and easy.
AFTER ALL, 4 KIDS IS A LOT! 
I lay down only to have thoughts of Anacondas back on my brain...I wonder what it feels like to be strangled?  Never mind! Where are my happy thoughts?!
I force myself to think about painting old furniture, and baby names...
I realize baby names are more concerning than soothing at 2:30 am when I am sleep deprived, and covered in spit up and banished to the last 6 inches of bed real estate...a 5th kid...hmmm...not so sure now...4 KIDS IS A LOT!
I realize Jack is still in Sedric's room.
I go into Sedric's room and tell Jack to go back to bed.
He gets up like a stiff old man and lumbers back to our room and falls into bed asleep before he hits the pillow.
5 minutes later, Sedric emerges AGAIN!
He climbs onto our bed and jumps on Jack, AGAIN.
Jack doesn't notice this time, he's too tired.
Sedric falls asleep sprawled out on top of Jack's stomach,
they begin synchronized breathing.
Peniel wakes up AGAIN and asks for cereal, AGAIN.
Sedric hears the word "cereal" and wakes up saying, "Cereal time?"
Jack tells him no, he cry's, he really wants cereal.
We both yell at him to go back to sleep before he wakes the baby.
Reluctantly he lays back down and sleeps.
Jack and I look at each other with a shared thought...THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN OUR BED
it's 3:30am...
there's a baby in our bed taking up most of the real estate...
there's a two year old in our bed kicking and thrashing
there's a six year old sleeping in a nest, on the floor, on Jack's side of the bed snoring and periodically talking in her sleep...
the dog is curled up against the wall with her toe nails clicking against the wall as she chases rabbits in her sleep...
My shirt is soaked with spit up.
There is no breeze.
We have no air conditioning,
We are sweating.
We are exhausted.
We are claustrophobic with 4 selfish sleepers in out bed built for 2...
I keep thinking about Anacondas...
Jack is too uncomfortable to sleep...
we lay there, and wait for day break...
FINALLY, just before the sun comes up, we fall asleep...
MOMENTS after the sun is up, so are our kids. 
Jack gets up with the kids and feeds them their coveted cereal while I catch an extra hour before he leaves for work...and that's where you find me...
standing at the counter, one foot on the ground, the other foot bouncing the baby in her chair, one hand holding a cup of coffee and the other hand hovering over the computer keys, pondering what to write.  So I write this, while my kids watch cartoons, eat snacks, and ask me every 5 minutes if I am finished.
As tired as I am right in this moment, I love my life, it makes me laugh.  The best memories are born from all the moments that don't go according to plan.  Jack and I had a pretty good laugh before he headed off to work about how absurd our sleeping accommodations were and what we were thinking while we lay there being assaulted by our sleeping children...
One day, our kids will be grown and no longer crawling into bed with us, no longer interrupting our sleep, no longer taking up all our energy, it will all be a distant memory that we will miss dearly.  I imagine the future us as a silver haired pudgy old couple, flirting with dementia, living on medicare (just kidding!  Medicare won't exist when we are old), planning our day around our favorite TV shows, looking back on our life with young kids having selectively forgotten how hard it was raising them, choosing to only remember how good it was...there would be nothing to remember if it was perfect, or easy, or uncomplicated...it would be forgettable...the challenges make it note worthy.

   


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